Oh, the troubles I've seen

I worry about strange things
that should not consume my mind.
I have bigger worries on this plate,
they I purposely don't find.

Worries I should not have,
possess my time.

Toss & Turn

Another restless night with silence as my company.
My music seems an intrusion in an environment so still, so quiet.
It started out so well, only to awake minutes later
with eyes open wide.

It's nights like these that I wish I was not here.
I wish I was in a simpler place at a simpler time,
so that I might be able to find some relief though pure exhaustion;
Running through those fields, gazing at those stars.

However, I am enclosed in these city walls,
with my heart pounding and muscles twitching,
rattling these bars that hold me hostage.
The metal rings out but holds firm,

And this insomnia bears its ugly head,
making its presence known.
Mentally and physically vulnerable,
I am at his whim.

too many nights

And this lack of darkness behind my eyes strikes again.
Restless and mentally tired.
Eyes drifting shut, but there is no comfort.
Skin grows hot with my frustration
as the minutes tick by
and the window of opportunity slides shut.
My bed becomes rock
and my sheets of thick lava.
Plans for the coming day shot;
stress wears on my body.
Massless pins and needles prod and hinder;
Twitching, aching.
Unable to function properly,
I lay restless,
with not other things capable of being done.
The alarm clock sounds in a room without need,
and the sun rises,
but it has been behind these eyes all along.
Part of the routine
of a body growing weaker
and a soul growing less content.

Baseline

I suppose that my wants are far too simplistic for the times that we live in.
Over-complication is the whore of relationships today.
Shift and sift, chip and wear,
what you have left will please my craving for molecular satisfaction.

To weave,

Weaving in and out of the legs of my elders,
I cling tight to the skirts of those before me
and grasp for the ankles of who I know is steady in these rapids.

When looking to should become looking ahead,
I am held fast in this equilibrium.
This dreamlike aquatic plain keeps me centered but removed,
to live as an awkward observer.

Awaiting my release,
I am growing impatient
and flailing is finding myself caught up in my own waves.
I am not making any forward progress,
so, instead, I am fighting for involvement;
to be part of that cycle once more.
But, held in this concrete are my feet anchored deep.

I do not like the view from this window,
the only view that I perceive.
There is no land to jump to below even if I wanted.
As I have been left here for years to ponder,
my brain has grown fat with philosophies,
and remains restricted to this cage
to only further my predicament.

Reclining

Too many times have I started to but have had to hold myself back, because it is not perfect. Upon observation, however, few things in my life are. I fully understand that every day can not be as inspiring as the day held in question, and not every breath is taken in with a meaning.

However,
how will I know when I have hit it right?
When will the siren sound for striking gold?
Will I be aware of when to stop living on these scraped thin knees?

Consistence Is Key

Self love is something that I preach to those in the depths of drear;
We all do.
However, it is always so hypocritical.
Doubts are always present.
And in the back of our minds, they wreck havoc.
Influencing our actions, our beliefs.
We are mutated into something that is far less than our potential.
We are all held tight around the neck by these leashes held by the most cruel of masters.
Ruled are we by these things that are far below us.
Yet, we cannot seemingly swim against these currents in our moments of weakness.
Jealousy, envy, greed.
Tell me that you have not fallen victim, and I will have identified a liar.

In this hole, there is only room for ourselves. Lone.

In the dirt encompassment, we will remain until we start chipping away at the falsities that have become our projections.

We will remain entombed until we become able to see the light peeking in around the perimeter of that solid concrete ceiling.