Eloquent Happenings of the Unconscious & The Question of a Heart's Desires

I need to record these dreams that visit me. These illusions that leave me longing for more. Even the unpleasant visions have me captivated; so vivid. And, it all has meaning, if not significance. My mind's suppressed twitches, and the day's afterthoughts put into color and figures. It all spawned from somewhere; your mind cleaning its filter, forgetting faces, details, happenings. Maybe dreams are these thing's last desperate pleas to not be forgotten, striving to make an impression, a memory held true.
Often come are dreams of ladders, never ending ladders. Upward struggle as means of eluding some advancing peril. Muscles weak, arms and legs of lead, my ascension slows. Getting closer, closer. Breath quickening, panic takes over. Palms slick, grip lost, and I am struggling.
Labyrinths are another frequent guest. I am always pressured. Never at ease. Is this a warning to change, or just a precursor of what will always lie ahead?
And then, there is love lost. Not always a commanding theme, but always present. Lovers dead, lovers lost, or a lover's rejection. And, it is always me that is striving. I am never found or sought. I am the predator, the advancer.
What does that say about me? Self esteem, again, found in the debris. Why is this? Am I alone in this, or is this just how I am best suited?
Maybe that is the tell-tale sign. I am tired, exhausted, from hours of interpretation, to be able to form a conclusion, that always finds itself disproved. I can do so beautifully, meddling in the affairs of others. However, when turned upon myself, I am blind and deaf.

I am flailing, overreacting and dumb.

So insightful, yet, so ignorant. I just want decency. I want, I want, I want. Hmmm?

Good deeds and caring are overlooked. Women love men who treat them bad? Well, the reverse applies as well. We are so self-depreciating that self worth is nonexistent. You lose sight of what would be better, what would be beneficial. Our deservings become ever misconstrued.

Am I to suffer for that?

Seems so.