Notes Found Drifting From Far Ago

But how could you collect them all and throw them in my face? I don't even know what to say anymore that wouldn't form out of sarcasm and spite... I am not willing to compromise anymore. Not to have my integrity and self worth stripped away from me. No one deserves that.
How many punches have been thrown and how many times have you bit your tongue on my behalf? Never. I will not sit there and slowly absorb your diseases, your haggard war tactics. They will not be ignored for any amount of time in the future. I will catch every slight move. I will not be destroyed. I am a force to be reckoned with. Not to be beaten off with harsh words or jokes made at my expense.

I want to shut you up forever.

If only, if only, I could run away from you. Your wings spread fast and black like night and I am drawn back in, contempt to bite my tongue. Just one more time to spare a broken rib or shattered jaw. The black eyes are just slip ups, accidents.

Just get it over with. We all know there is nothing I can do. Nothing. No precautionary methods. I am done for. Finished. My emotional self is destroyed. Physical self is trudging along, I'll heal. Let the bullets tear through my guts. Put one in my head. Brain cells diminished. Functions ceased. Rendered dead. Done. Forever gone.

Please, no reincarnation.

Not unless the coming world needs a fiend to wreck havoc.

Take no more from me. I lay motionless on your tile and you can only think of where it could have gone. Dwelling. Leading me to hell with something that was built from your dishonor, lack of loyalty, and lies.

I will look for promising traits, a possible savior, but they turn away. All away. Fake my feelings. Tired of it all. Counsel me. Observe what you want. Are the symptoms obvious? Am I grotesque?

Untimely obsessions with violence and death.

Why better way to spend your time in the waiting room,

but reading and wondering about what the wait is truly for?

Too many go crazy and try to make an understanding of it all. There is nothing to understand. Just do the dead man's float until some other soul taps you on the shoulder to offer you a cigarette break. Then, you're back on. To serve your purpose.

Remain calm, there is no help on the way.

Is it endless? Listen to yourself. There is nothing to look forward to. Oh my, how everything is bland. Sober. Unreeling.

You should be shot.

Is that all she bled for?

All she waited for?

I am no remedy, no serum. My blood is sick and runs so thin.

Money is no lie, but it will purchase lies, quiet lies.